Another Neptune

It’s not an obsession, but I’m closer to the end of my life than I sometimes like to believe. Given this reality and how surreal it feels, taking care of one’s departure shouldn’t be left to our surviving families. In considering my own, I’d already ruled out the latest method – decomposing somewhere, then being planted in a forest, and quite literally pushing up daisies. And even though the Neptune Society has lost its former shiny reputation due to multiple lawsuits, since relocating is still a possibility, they serve the areas I might want to call home.

This task was on my mental to-do list for too long and so I took a deep breath and phoned their local office to make an appointment. Someone named Mike called me back and after a quick chat we agreed to meet.

At his office, Mike honored my no frills approach when I rejected the fancy urn, headstone, and memorial service, but I did appreciate that Neptune would take several minutes with family when the urn is picked up by the appointed person. “It’s not a takeout joint,” he said. “People need time and appreciate sitting quietly or with a grief counselor before they leave.” And then on we went to a mound of paperwork.

I have to say it was a weird experience. While we were filling in the details, bits and bobs of images passed through my mind. For example, a recent scene in a British detective story with a few people sitting in the crematorium chapel watching as the balsa-wood casket disappeared into the furnace flames behind the curtain. Then back to the next of kin details.

Another one was of my mother who did an ad for the Neptune Society after my father died. For her time, she was given a “free ride,” as she called it, to the crematorium. Her picture appeared in several publications holding my father’s framed photo against her heart. I smiled when I saw the ad and how “heartfelt” his passing appeared, given that Mom and I agreed that he’d had his thumb on her life until his last breath. But it made a nice sentiment for the Neptune folks. Then back to another set of forms to fill out.

Then came the image of Holly, our wonderful dog’s passing, and seeing her spirit ascend when the vet administered the second drug. Where is that place I wondered where something akin to our essence returns and recycles? Is it this Neptune?

Finally, I’m writing the check and being handed a file folder with the contract and temporary Neptune cards, one to give to my daughter.

To say Mike and I hit it off doesn’t quite cover how bizarrely interesting the hour plus with him turned out to be. We discovered our mutual desire to keep things light and our under-appreciated home state of Missouri. We were the same age. We shared his successful career in the finance industry until his retirement and mine in health insurance, followed by redeeming decades of grant writing. He told me that being locked up with his fifth wife during Covid was too much for both of them and why he was working part-time at Neptune. From there we easily moved on to our ideas and beliefs about what happens after Neptune comes a calling.

I said I believed in God but outside of any organized religion or doctrine. I told him how much I liked Sufism’s joy and wonder approach to an amorphous creator. Then he asked me “Do you believe in the light at the end of a tunnel where you’re greeted by your departed family and relatives.

“No idea,” I said, “how about you?”

“I hope not,” Mike said, “I’ve been married five times and three of my ex-wives have already passed and would not be a welcoming committee. And now my oldest daughter recently disowned me when I said I voted for Trump.” Mike’s reply made us laugh enough to bring in one of the grief counselors who said she needed a break.

After I said goodbye to Mike, I sat in my car for a time and tried to process the experience; how humor had taken the edge off of what is decidedly a somber, even a surreal event. When I felt clear-minded and ready for I-5 congestion plus many drivers with the patience of a gnat, I headed for my favorite coffee joint for a latté and a scone, followed by a treasured walk along the bay.

One final (no pun intended) thought. I’d been following some guidelines for years on how to spare my kids from having to scramble to tie up any loose ends of my life. Below, courtesy of Legal Zoom (https://www.legalzoom.com) and other sources, is a brief list and description of what any adult should complete, long before their passing. 

1. Gather important documents and contact information – put them in a safe place.

When it comes to end-of-life planning, start by organizing and gathering your important legal documents. The following are some examples of the documents you should track down:

• Property deeds, vehicle titles, birth certificate, marriage certificate or divorce decree, bank account information, stocks and brokerage account information, and tax returns.

2. Consider a living trust

With a living trust, you (as the grantor) retain control over any property placed within the trust throughout your lifetime. Only upon your death will your pre-chosen successor trustee gain control and distribute your assets according to your instructions—all bypassing probate, which can save both time and money.

3. Execute a last will and testament

Without a will or trust, you’re leaving things up to your state’s intestacy laws, which apply when someone dies without a will or trust or that the state will make the same choices you would.

4. Complete a living will or advance directive

Creating a living will or advance directive is a legal document in which you list your healthcare preferences should you become incapacitated and outline your preferred medical decisions.

5. Put in place a financial power of attorney

A durable power of attorney allows you to name someone to be in charge of making financial decisions for you if you become incapacitated.

6. Update your beneficiaries

Whether you’ve dedicated yourself to new causes or had fallouts with family members along the way, you’ll want to ensure your end-of-life documents describe how you want to bequeath your assets.

7. Secure your digital assets with a digital executor

Along with online bank, investment, and shopping accounts, most people also have social media accounts that need handling upon the death of the owner. This includes websites, blogs, and any other online activities in which you participate.

8. Plan final arrangements

Communicate your final arrangements to ensure your family and friends understand your preferences and how they are to be covered financially.

9. Make copies and store your documents

Once you have gathered all your estate planning documents, make copies and store the original and any copies in a safe place, such as a locked filling cabinet, a fireproof safe in your home, or a safe deposit box. Make sure at least one other person will be able to access these documents after your death.

10. Talk with your loved ones – possibly the hardest task to complete

Talking with your loved ones in person about your wishes is the payoff for all of the above. The clearer they are on what you want, the more likely it is that your wishes will be followed—and the fewer problems they will have, as they won’t have to guess or disagree over your intentions.

11. Keep everything current

Once you put together your estate plan, don’t just put it in that safe place and forget about it. You should revisit the documents occasionally to make sure they still reflect your intentions.

To quote Mark Twain: “Each person is born to one possession that outvalues all the other – his last breath.” For now, it’s great to be alive & soaking up the awe and wonder of this world.

Photo credit: Checklist – glen-carsten-peters, Iceland after a blizzard – Barbara Clarke.